surprises…! This one is a dousy…. DISCHARGED!
So, as I have blogged multiple times about—this place, Laguna Shores Mental Health—is their own worst enemy. The entire time I was inpatient,
I repeatedly said (blogged as well)—this place is the single BEST treatment center and WORST simultaneously.
What I mean by that is they have chosen grade A, awesome staff.
The staff have their individual charters and the institution as a collective has theirs.
Reasons I consider it the BEST:
* Dr.ForgetName (sorry)
—all other Drs. in treatment throw spaghetti at the wall to see what sticks/works. I was terrified of the medication carousel as it was hell the last few times. However, this Dr. leaned on genetic testing to test the array of applicable medications—he honed in on a common new one, combined with tweaking & measuring of the lithium blood levels. Couple this with consistent sleep due to heavy sedatives—I was mentally balanced and sound.
* I was 50/50% that they figure the mental stuff outm but boom!, out of the park and FAST.
Physical Surprise —
I have had a litany of issues lately with my surgically reconstructed spine. I had new nerve pain down the middle of the back of the left leg—NOT like the pain profile prompting the surgery. Dr. cranked my Gabapentin to 1800mg—50% to threshold (I researched).
My back, nerve pain… GONE—almost zero.
I was in total agony coming in—they toss my emergency pain meds. Now, there is next to no pain—
I'm completely reset physically.
* Therapist / Britney—best
I have ever had and I know that is determined from just a few sessions. For someone like me, she creates tons of space, nudges in the right direction when needed. Week 1 family therapy—was terrible…. I was angry, snippy, she was uncomfortable and I should have reacted better given her emotions—I was just still so bitter and angry. After that, Britney worked with me individually, provided just the right input—COUPLED with a very good conversation with my Dad and then my brother I thought I lost. Lots of God things happening here! My mindset shifted from feeling betrayed/hated (I believed 100% my family wanted me to end it :( —MY mental illness.. NOT THEM. Still sad.)—so, betrayal / hate BECAME care / love.
[This reconciled things with Brandon, parents, and most importantly, KRISTEN!]
So—next session… total 180—“what good is that for the future”—windshield is bigger than the rearview mirror! So, fuck it—need to let it go and guess what? When this started my wife, cops and got a BS TRO… to prompt the health reset. Well.. you succeeded. Even after today’s events—with the holistic improvements—I am writing this from home and had a beautiful evening with my wife.
* 3rd Party—Chiro was best ever!
* Brain Wave impressive
Programs were also really good—
I really only had 1 issue pop up and that prompted my trip to Saddleback—
Yoga—helped back huge—I had some moves, but now twice as many.
Soundbath—INCREDIBLE. I believe in the power of frequency. I totally centered—
Now, I wanted to share the positives, because these are overwhelming and I thank you sincerely, the collective that made this happen and for me to feel like this..
Now here comes the NEGATIVE feedback - Pain
Admission
My admissions was completely botched from GO. First off, I admit—I should have had them come pick me up and NOT driven my Yukon Denali that was basically camping/living out of for 10 days.
Prior to admission—I spoke to Daniel after my family reached out—I picked his brain, I told him I don't want drug camp, this is 100% mental health as NOTHING has hooks in me. I need my head straightened out (meds). I thought I was going to park in a parking lot, grab my backpack and 2 suitcases, lock car, forfeit keys, they scan all I chose to bring into the facility. It was residential so park on the side.
WHY was I guided to park ON PROPERTY when I arrived? My car sat on a public street the entire time it was there. Since they told me to drive on the driveway while in a super manic, week+ no sleep.
They took my keys, opened my car and ransacked EVERYTHING.
[Yes. I had 5 firearms (camping) plus I have a valid license to carry conceal, went home with Kirsten immediately)—this is your big leverage.
Staff chose random clothes and toiletries—no bags, just random clothes, some brand new mixed with old desert clothes, mismatched socks, no backpack, which mean NO journal, NO Bible, NO laptop—as part of the ransacking they undermined all trust immediately.
Tossed my remaining emergency pain medication (Percocet)
Toss my old Adderall
Toss my AZ state HHS issued cannabis gummies
All legal for me to own via prescription.
This is my legal property. That's illegal.
Week+ later staff informs me they are starting my laundry, I didn't know of more—it was a heap of brand new clothes just bought and pulled from my car. Then I found my new Stanley cup in the communal cabinet. Does this seem above board?
They brought me the cash receipt they use when all cash counted—it was $800 and change when I know I had 10k in cash in the backpack. More lost trust—it was left in backpack wide open garage. Negligence—more lost trust.
I told them you are “ANTI-MENTAL HEALTH”
Next few days they did get me the essentials,
GYM—‘stabilization’ is not a 1 size fits all. Fitness, stretching, lifting, expelling energy is good for everything with me. Body functions, reduces mania and anxiety, natural high.
I BEGGED still in misery to go and they refused for sake of ‘stabilization’ irony = they were destabilizing me, pain was excruciating. I finally went to staff and said GYM or ER—forcing action.
MID Stay TURNAROUND!
But then… the aforementioned—new meds, therapist, family reconnected, regular GYM trips—wife visit, I appreciated the accommodations.
So, back to night 1—pain = 9—I have nothing of my own, back on fire, took meds started low Seroquel, bad idea, up more manic now than ever—losing it. They wouldn't give me a Tylenol, bathtub stopper to soak my agonizing back, back brace, DeepBlue (icy/hot EO)—everything I use to survive.
I should be able to have the other Seroquel as reserve if first doesn't do job. Nope, Dr. in the AM. I popped up and was on the moon—I literally had 3 hours of sleep in 10 days.
I finally got Tylenol, nothing else—prayed so hard that I could sleep and I did, thankfully.
Within a week—I was feeling great. SO thank you. Talk about a ROUGH LANDING.
Bumpy Road
2 weeks and I meet Daniel. He and I met on the back porch for 45 minutes until interrupted for scheduled event. At no time did he indicate there were outstanding items to discuss and followup needed.
He confirmed my property was destroyed by his staff and volunteered to reimburse me for the destroyed property. Most of our conversation was centered on the arrival and handling.
There was one issue with staff in which I thought I was being protective of another patient and this was after I was firehosed in Matt’s office for buying the group things, blessing them.
I thought she was listening through doors, cataloging and passing along. I said some horrible things and was preparing to leave. At that point, Nikki (Ops Mgr) came into my room and begged me to stay. I told her I have excelled more than hypothesized but now regressing due to others around me, process and protocols.
There were no other issues thereafter…. except the FIRE ALARM BEEP.
Thursday around 3PM—low voltage, rhythmic beep started at the house. No big deal during day, easy fix too—however, at night, being the room closest to the alarm—my sleep was absolutely impacted as predicted. I had 9 days of 7-9 hours sleeping in row, now destroyed because of a Chinese water torture type fire alarm.
Following day, ALL day the beep continued. Staff that were there only for their 8 hour shift left saying, “I got to get out of here, I'm going to go crazy with that beep”—she was there 8 hours, we are living there—30+.
So—I called my brother, told him which kind of ladder and he dispatched an electrical service technician. I informed the people in charge, onsite and was told was not allowed and owner needed to be consulted. So I paused the dispatch and wrote the following:
Darrin:
“Daniel, there has been a fire alarm beep for 30 hours and counting. It’s driving your own staff crazy and they’ve only been here eight hours, we are forced to live here and sleep here with a constant beep. You need a 12 foot ladder minimum or an extension ladder, 15 foot lids. All it is is a low voltage to 9 V battery, it’s the back up to the wired system. That is your fire alarm system. I can’t leave till tomorrow and the beep will not stop, I asked that you deal with it now or I can send one of my guys from San Diego. You let me know.”
Daniel:
Dude
Just leave today brother. The way you’ve been talking to everybody isn’t ok.
Darrin:
I haven’t been talking to anyone. I’m saying that it’s quite crazy that a place that’s predicated on mental health can’t stop a beep.
Can you please explain to me how what I typed to you is rude or inappropriate? I slept zero hours last night. After sleeping 10 eight hours in a row.
Because you guys couldn’t turn off the fire alarm that I could turn off in four seconds
Daniel:
Calling female staff bitches, disrespectful to me and other staff, etc.
Darrin:
Brittany, the nurse even said it’s driving me crazy
I didn’t call any staff a bitch. What are you talking about? Can you guys keep any facts straight? Who would I call a bitch?
Yes, I’ll pack
Told me to pack my stuff and get out.
I hadn't been speaking negatively to anyone other than aforementioned, he stated ‘we never finished our conversation’ when I asked why me asking to stop a fire alarm incessant beep because it damages my mental health (and those of nonpatient staff).
I called him and he firehosed me with—calling female staff bitches (already discussed, Nikki begged me to stay after and also chewed out that same staff), disrespectful to him? When? (I have our conversation recorded, btw).
There was nothing net new since last conversation.
He then proceeded to show his hand “You committed to 30 days at the start, we BANKED on 30 days.”
Lastly, he mentioned I sent anti-Semitic social media posts to Micah. Do you know what entrapment is? I was playing some X post, Micah heard it—asked questions, I told him about the scratchpad and he ASKED for the list when offered.
Free speech anybody? Why is speech free until deemed ‘anti-Semitic’—inverted free speech.
We are unable to analyze, critique or question the Israeli government without seeing that label.
SO, my guess is Daniel or the other owners are Jewish—I have NOTHING against Jewish people, never—who carried their Christian Bible (Old Testament = Torah) and read the whole time. Learn about the Talmud and study the behaviors of the GOVERNMENT of Israel.
I'm allowed to say that in a free country with free speech… for now.
In my opinion, this is the true reason I was kicked out so abruptly. Anti-mental health—the best and worst concurrently. It's quite poetic and emblematic of my life, pure dichotomy, black/white, up/down. I'm just proud I could extract the good and only allow some of the negative to bring me down. I said the whole time 10 steps forward, 4 steps back—there but not efficient.
Worst treatment center I've ever been to.
Final Recap:
Best & Worst center / 5—Full mental/physical restoration but massive attempted setbacks.
Approaching my last day, Dec 13—facility had a constant beep for 30 hours, even after warning it would keep me up, didn't change, broke my sleep streak, barely 1 hour sleep. Manic awakened.
Beep continues, afternoon when day staff leaving because THEY ‘were going crazy’—
Message owner with 2 solutions, details and his response is to leverage AMA designation (Britney confirmed program completion) if I left on planned day, forcing me to leave in the moment. Mind you, I had a dog, motorcycle attached and forcibly dispatched at 430pm LA/OC/SD Friday rush hour to AZ without much forward notice.
So—LBMH—stabilizes my mind/body, slightly destabilizes it—When I reach out to advocate for my mental health as taught to do in session, the response is ‘pack your stuff and get out.’
I was DRIVING - if anything had happened - could have been bad for everyone involved.
[SIDE NOTE]—I BARELY missed getting into a nasty accident driving south on 5 in SD, again—GIFTS of the mania—I saw a truck barreling in, we suddenly stopped, I jumped to next lane without looking, God willing, no one there and the pile up heard vividly though open sunroof.
Shoutouts staff:
JJ — rad meeting someone that knows what its like to grow up where we did. HeeMan - lifting 450lbs before I could step back to help - impressive. Hope to get to grab lunch one day Eastbound.
Rocky is fucking awesome—she said she was gonna remember me :)—I hope you do. :) The movie nights, car rides (solid driver), BOOMERS—you slow on go carts!!! Thanks for opening up and sharing with me parts of our life.
Jose —only person to check on me after getting forced out, as he stopped driving by. Appreciate you dude… you were always so cool.
Erin —while I hate that every word to you was going directly in the ear of management and after misconstrued due to ‘telephone’ game.—I saw you had a sweet, kind heart and spirit. I apologize if my rough and rowdy ways made you uncomfortable.
Emma —get that back fixed girl… or tell them to extend the elevator…. top floor. Thank you for being kind ALWAYS. I learned from you—you were steady and kind even though I knew you to be in pain. Powerful lesson. Take care.
Noelle —NOSY—You were the first therapist to talk to me, I barely remember any of that lol. Always so kind and graceful, super wise—don't know why you have ‘intern’ in your title.. you are one of them… I thought it when I was nosy-ing around the DSM5. You also have a kick ass style… I have freckles too… :)
Micah —I appreciated our conversations, the sushi experience, help picking up stuff for me—I considered you a friend, beyond just this LBMH context. You showed interest in the long list of random everything and that was weaponized against me.
Alex - Still got that year on me… take it easy, thank you for all your help… enjoy that switch!
Nikki - You rock, i told you that - I love the skatergirl thing, my wife does the same, totally my jam… all the best to you and your 2 boys. Good to know you .
Matt - I know I was frustrating for you, but you guys really did a great job - I feel so so much better. thank you.