nearing wrap up

I've written a lot more than I’ve published, mainly due to privacy concerns and safeguarding family members and friends. I will release it in time, as they do contribute to the message.

I am closing in on my final hours at this—hopefully my last—treatment center. I was originally supposed to stay until the 21st, next Sunday, but at this point, this place is causing me to regress.

It's incredible. It's been up and down the whole way, just like my illness. When I got here, they made my anxiety and mania ten times worse by denying me coping mechanisms and scattering my property everywhere without knowing. Then, they did an about-face and completely changed everything: medication changes, a rockstar therapist, and good doctors, coupled with my keen sense of self and general awareness.

I am now on four meds, continuously and forever: Lithium, Trazodone, Vraylar, and 1800 mg of Gabapentin. That was the key to fixing my back. When I came in here, I had a pain level of eight or nine; now I'm leaving with a pain level of one or two. I'm not having to take opiates regularly; they will only be used as they were before—in an emergency situation.

That's the whole intent: to control and know oneself. To respond to how you're acting in the moment—respond knowing what you are—and respond in a way contrary to what people expect you to do with your illness.

I'll continue to post more of these.