I should have been DEAD many times over.
I never thought I’d see 40, it is by the Grace of God I take breathe today.
These facts will become apparent as you read enough of this material.
The Physical
- Collisions: Countless crashes, ER visits, and ambulances my ENTIRE life.
- Fractures: Resulting in 25+ broken bones including back, wrist, kneecap, jaw, hand, and knocked-out teeth.
- Lacerations: Stitches everywhere—lip split to the end of the chin, orbital scars, severed fingers on different occasions.
- Surgeries: 10 surgeries including 3 spinal w reconstruction, sinus, hand (x4), fingers re-attached, etc.
- Dislocations: Hip, fingers, shoulder.
- Trauma: Endless hospitalizations and concussions.
The Mental Fire
In the 90s, mental health was completely absent from the minds of parents and teachers.
There was an underlying reason for all these injuries, the maniac tendencies: I was undiagnosed Bipolar 2 (hypomanic, no hospital) for years as an adolescent.
Bipolar 2 evolved into BP1 after my first of multiple manic 5150 psychiatric hospitalizations.
I was formally diagnosed with Bipolar 1 with Psychosis in 2010, alongside a subsequent diagnosis of General Anxiety Disorder with Panic and later ADHD. The combination would have killed me had I not learned how to control it the years to follow.
Bipolar means two poles—but what I quickly learned is that you can live at just one. I am almost ALWAYS on the manic side. I have been a true MANIAC my entire life; it just escalated heavily as an adult. I had to learn the illness, the tendencies, and the treatment.
The sum total resulted in a heavy opiate addiction, culminating in a total Fentanyl addiction from 2008–2010— people didn’t know the name Fentanyl.
I faced world shattering, hellish withdrawals where I constantly wished for DEATH instead of the pain it brought.
The irony, all of it was doctor-prescribed after I repeatedly stated, “NO PILLS” which resulted in manipulation tactics using my young family and framing of “not pills, only a sticker” – I wanted no OPIATES when I said no pills, yet he prescribes and twists me to take something 100x.
Efforts to Normalize
- 5 Inpatient Treatment Centers (substance & mental health) — 5th in 2025 (due to lithium tolerance and extreme mania)
- 2 Outpatient Programs.
- 2 “5150s” (involuntary holds, designated “gravely disabled”).
- Endless Therapy.
- Constant Maintenance: Monitoring meds, blood tests, and doctor appointments.
The Spiritual Reveal
I finally understood myself and realized my God-given fortitude:
Physical, Emotional, Mental, and Spiritual.
Throughout this wild journey, I documented my memoir. I knew that if I could get through those moments, perhaps I could help others navigate the same. Once I developed a grip over the psychiatric moments, manic episodes, and attached panic, I began to articulate the details and the tools used to survive.
I was initially fixated on the psychiatric tools, which did work (as you can read from the linked blog post, written in the midst of an attack). However, I learned that for total success, one must embed the spiritual element.
Hurt people know hurt people, and many have gravitated to me because of my history.
This is my motivation to write this down and distribute it.
I tried my hardest using all the tools I was given and my direct experience and by the grace of God, pulled them from the brink.
I KNOW I must write this to reach others and, God willing, help others survive these nightmares.
The Purpose
The Pain NOW has Purpose. I am NOTHING—this is God’s glory.
I pray He uses my story for good, even if for one single person.
I saw that clearly on Sept 28, 2025: DIVINE CLICK
Now I have all the pieces to complete the story.
maniac
noun | characterized by fast, energetic, and disordered activity. It can mean wild, frantic, or confused, and often implies a sense of being uncontrolled due to high excitement or stress.