This is for Keith - in our final conversation, knowing this ambition, told me:

“Fuck it, get it out there. Don’t allow perfect to be the enemy of good….”'

note from the author…

maniac

noun | characterized by fast, energetic, and disordered activity. It can mean wild, frantic, or confused, and often implies a sense of being uncontrolled due to high excitement or stress.

I should have been DEAD many times over.

You will come to understand this fact if you stick with me during this wild journey.

The Physical Toll

Highlights of my life-changing events:

  • Collisions: Countless crashes, ER visits, and ambulances my ENTIRE life.

  • Fractures: Resulting in 25+ broken bones including back, wrist, kneecap, jaw, hand, and knocked-out teeth.

  • Lacerations: Stitches everywhere—lip split to the end of the chin, orbital scars, severed fingers on different occasions.

  • Surgeries: 10 surgeries including 3 spinal, sinus, hand (x4), fingers re-attached, etc.

  • Dislocations: Hip (wrapped in a boat rope while the boat was gone), fingers, shoulder.

  • Trauma: Endless hospitalizations and concussions.

The Mental Fire

There was an underlying reason for the maniac tendencies: I was undiagnosed Bipolar 2 (hypomanic, no hospital) for years.

Bipolar 2 became BP1 after my first of many 5150 psychiatric hospitalizations.

Which resulted in a heavy opiate addiction, culminating in a total Fentanyl addiction from 2008–2010—back when no one even knew what Fentanyl was.

I faced hellish withdrawals where I constantly wished for DEATH in lieu of the pain it brought. The irony, all of it was doctor-prescribed, actually pushed and manipulated.

In the 90s, mental health was completely absent from the minds of parents and teachers.

Given my adolescent history, my doctors believe I was Bipolar 2—untreated and unbridled—as a child and young adult.

I was formally diagnosed with Bipolar 1 with Psychosis in 2010, alongside a subsequent diagnosis of General Anxiety Disorder with Panic. The combination would have killed me had I not learned how to control it the years to follow.

Bipolar means two poles—but what I quickly learned is that you can live at just one. I am almost ALWAYS on the manic side. I have been a true MANIAC my entire life; it just escalated heavily as an adult. I had to learn the illness, the tendencies, and the treatment.

Efforts to Normalize

  • 4 Inpatient Treatment Centers (substance & mental health) — 5th now in 2025 (due to lithium tolerance and extreme mania: 9 days awake).

  • 2 Outpatient Programs.

  • 2 "5150s" (involuntary holds for being "gravely disabled").

  • Endless Therapy.

  • Constant Maintenance: Monitoring meds, blood tests, and doctor appointments.

The Spiritual Reveal

I finally understood myself and realized my God-given fortitude:

Physical, Emotional, Mental, and Spiritual.

Throughout this wild journey, I documented my memoir. I knew that if I could get through those moments, perhaps I could help others navigate the same. Once I developed a grip over the psychiatric moments, manic episodes, and attached panic, I began to articulate the details and the tools used to survive.

I was initially fixated on the psychiatric tools, which did work (as you can read from the linked blog post, written in the midst of an attack). However, I learned that for total success, one must embed the spiritual element.

Hurt people know hurt people, and many have gravitated to me because of my history. This is my motivation to write this down and distribute it. I tried my hardest using all the tools I was given and my direct experience and, God willing, pulled them from the brink.

I KNOW I must write this to reach others and, God willing, help others survive these nightmares.

The Purpose

The Pain NOW has Purpose. I am NOTHING—this is God’s glory. I pray He uses my story for good, even if for one single person.

I saw that clearly on Sept 28, 2025: DIVINE CLICK

Now I have all the pieces to complete the story.